When last I wrote, things were less than perfect and I found myself sleeping in the other room. Well, that's changed. Communications aren't the best but they are, in fact, better. We're getting along and things are moving along just fine.
So much so, that we're talking of taking a cruise in June of 2010 for my - dramatic pause - 30th birthday! We're planning on Royal Caribbean's Mexican Riviera Cruise. There are three ports: Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, and Puerto Vallarta. I'm so excited. And nervous. I've never been on a cruise before. It should be interesting. And I'll finally get to see some of Mexico. Which, from what I've heard from some friends, this cruise is amazing for siteseeing. I don't think he's as excited as I am about the trip. He's not been out of the country before so this will be his first time. I think that in itself is exciting. I guess boys are wired differently. I don't know. He is having trouble being excited about anything these days. I'm betting there's some depression going on that needs to be dealt with but that's another story for another time.
And on a fun note, I'm getting my nose pierced the end of October. I think. I'm really excited about this. I've wanted to do this for a long time just didn't have the guts to do it. Mostly because at the time I lived at home and Dad said if I put a hole in my nose I could find another place to live. So I didn't. But now I live on my own. And I am a big girl. Nearly 30 people! Yikes! Anyway, this will be good for me. Breaking free and expressing myself. I think after wanting this piercing for 15 years or so it's about time. I mean, the urge never went away so that's gotta say something. And it's just a hole. It'll close up if I don't want it anymore.
So yay. Yay for many reasons. I'm happy. Which is all that matters.
9.10.2009
8.30.2009
All that Glitters...
So things aren't what I thought they'd be. Almost four months later and we're still not completely moved in to the new apartment. Things are all a mess. It drives me insane. I hate not having things in order. We never had the housewarming party. We never had the birthday celebration either. And of course, now we're fighting. The honeymoon is officially over.
I knew it was going to happen at some point. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. I suppose I wouldn't mind the fighting as much if I had seen it coming. But it comes out of nowhere. The worst part is the crying. It's awful. My face gets puffy and my lips seem to swell. Then there's the copious amounts of snot. Just dripping. Tissue after tissue. And then my nose is just so stuffed I can't breathe. Plus I look like a fool. And he thinks I'm just being a girl. If there was a way around it I would certainly take it.
Is it selfish of me to want the best parts of life now? I've had so many less-than-wonderful moments that I think it's time to have some highlights. It seems that's not what's in store for me. The typical ups and downs are my destiny. I suppose it's a good thing, though I have a difficult time seeing that perspective. And I'm feeling like there's far too many lows lately. One after another.
For peace of mind, I went to a movie alone. I used to do that from time to time in the past. I forgot how freeing and yet lonely it can be. I saw Julie & Julia. I enjoyed the film though critics seemed to rip it apart. I sat alone in the back of the theater, no one around except for one couple in the front of the second section. Popcorn in one hand, cherry icee in the other, I sat and let my self be absorbed into the film. Amy Adams is so sweet it's a bit sickening. And Meryl Streep is, of course, amazing. It did make me wonder about the life of Julia Child. I remember seeing her show on television and just laughing. She was just entertaining. Now that I'm older and less than gifted when it comes to cooking, I'm interested and in awe. I'm even thinking of picking up a cook book and trying out some recipes. Who'd have thought, me cooking? Something other than Mexican of course. We'll see if I can find taste test subjects.
Life moves on, whether I want it to or not. I was talking with a friend through facebook messages. She and I were both in agreement that life needs to be put on pause for a moment so we can catch up. Where does the time go? Everyone seems to ask that question so frequently. And there is no answer. If only I could catch up to where I think I should be. I'm almost 30 and I can't seem to get settled. Isn't that where I'm supposed to be? Settled? Thinking of marriage and planning a family? Maybe a nice home in which to have 2.5 children? Well, truth be told, that's where I was headed. But there's been obsticales. It's been a tough year. He says that often. And I know it has. I was there to watch it all. Of course, he doesn't let me in any further than that so I can't really tell how much impact it's had on him. I just see how worn and melancholy he's become. Which tears me apart little by little, piece by piece. I can't help him because he won't let me. Maybe I don't even have the power to help him. But he sure won't let me even try. I suppose he thinks it's something he has to do alone. I've done that before, though. And it doesn't work. Everyone needs a little help from those around them, those close to them.
For now, I guess I'll sleep in the other bedroom and try to work things out with him. And keep unpacking a box a day. Maybe by the time I finish unpacking it'll be time to pack up again. Oh well. I have to do something.
I knew it was going to happen at some point. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. I suppose I wouldn't mind the fighting as much if I had seen it coming. But it comes out of nowhere. The worst part is the crying. It's awful. My face gets puffy and my lips seem to swell. Then there's the copious amounts of snot. Just dripping. Tissue after tissue. And then my nose is just so stuffed I can't breathe. Plus I look like a fool. And he thinks I'm just being a girl. If there was a way around it I would certainly take it.
Is it selfish of me to want the best parts of life now? I've had so many less-than-wonderful moments that I think it's time to have some highlights. It seems that's not what's in store for me. The typical ups and downs are my destiny. I suppose it's a good thing, though I have a difficult time seeing that perspective. And I'm feeling like there's far too many lows lately. One after another.
For peace of mind, I went to a movie alone. I used to do that from time to time in the past. I forgot how freeing and yet lonely it can be. I saw Julie & Julia. I enjoyed the film though critics seemed to rip it apart. I sat alone in the back of the theater, no one around except for one couple in the front of the second section. Popcorn in one hand, cherry icee in the other, I sat and let my self be absorbed into the film. Amy Adams is so sweet it's a bit sickening. And Meryl Streep is, of course, amazing. It did make me wonder about the life of Julia Child. I remember seeing her show on television and just laughing. She was just entertaining. Now that I'm older and less than gifted when it comes to cooking, I'm interested and in awe. I'm even thinking of picking up a cook book and trying out some recipes. Who'd have thought, me cooking? Something other than Mexican of course. We'll see if I can find taste test subjects.
Life moves on, whether I want it to or not. I was talking with a friend through facebook messages. She and I were both in agreement that life needs to be put on pause for a moment so we can catch up. Where does the time go? Everyone seems to ask that question so frequently. And there is no answer. If only I could catch up to where I think I should be. I'm almost 30 and I can't seem to get settled. Isn't that where I'm supposed to be? Settled? Thinking of marriage and planning a family? Maybe a nice home in which to have 2.5 children? Well, truth be told, that's where I was headed. But there's been obsticales. It's been a tough year. He says that often. And I know it has. I was there to watch it all. Of course, he doesn't let me in any further than that so I can't really tell how much impact it's had on him. I just see how worn and melancholy he's become. Which tears me apart little by little, piece by piece. I can't help him because he won't let me. Maybe I don't even have the power to help him. But he sure won't let me even try. I suppose he thinks it's something he has to do alone. I've done that before, though. And it doesn't work. Everyone needs a little help from those around them, those close to them.
For now, I guess I'll sleep in the other bedroom and try to work things out with him. And keep unpacking a box a day. Maybe by the time I finish unpacking it'll be time to pack up again. Oh well. I have to do something.
5.06.2009
Good News
The alarm clock so rudely went off at four o'clock this afternoon ruining my sweet dreams. After pressing the snooze, I rolled over and closed my eyes. About ten minutes later my phone, the new amazing phone, rang. It was Kevin with our good news. We were finally approved for our apartment. We'll be moving in to our lovely and spacious two bedroom, two bathroom this weekend. Well, we're going to start moving in anyway. Our schedules are rather hectic and it's going to take a lot to move all my crap in.
YAY! We'll have our first place together and a new address this weekend. It's very exciting. There's a ton of amenities such as an indoor and outdoor pool with a hot tub, dry saunas, full work out room, pool tables, ping pong tables, and more. They have movie nights and pot lucks in the club house. We'll be very close to I90 so it'll be perfect for both of us to get to work easily.
Hopefully this summer we'll be having an open house/birthday party. Watch for invitations.
YAY! We'll have our first place together and a new address this weekend. It's very exciting. There's a ton of amenities such as an indoor and outdoor pool with a hot tub, dry saunas, full work out room, pool tables, ping pong tables, and more. They have movie nights and pot lucks in the club house. We'll be very close to I90 so it'll be perfect for both of us to get to work easily.
Hopefully this summer we'll be having an open house/birthday party. Watch for invitations.
4.09.2009
At Peace
It's finally over. Even though it's been years in the making it feels very sudden. Mrs. Booth passed late on Sunday evening. We had just been to the hospice facility to get her settled and spend some time with her. We left and had a late dinner together and planned the next few days. They had given us a timeframe. Two to three weeks they said. But I knew better. Her body was giving out. The cancer was winning out. She looked frail and generally beat.
When we were in the hospital the morphine was doing nothing for her pain. They were on to dilaudid now. And to help her rest a dose of ativan. With the combination, she was out. She barely responded to our conversation. I sat there quietly with her alone for a moment. I watched her breathe. It was shallow and regular. Then for a moment it sounded coarse and was irregular, as if she couldn't catch her breath. Her mouth opened but her eyes stayed shut. I prayed for her to take another breath. She did so. Quietly and regularly again. This happened a couple more times while I was with her. I knew in my heart we were nearing the end but I wouldn't listen. Mr. Booth came back and sat with me. Kevin was there too, just getting off security detail. We sat and joked a bit. Anything to take our minds off her poor health. Motown hits played quietly in the background in hopes of helping her find some peace in the hectic emergency department.
That was only hours before she passed. After the call came, we all headed to the facility. It was nice there. Calm, warm and soothing. Just what a hospice place should be. As I walked in, Kevin, Karen and Mr. Booth were all around Mrs. Booth's body. I looked down at her pale face. There was a hint of a smile there. The beginnings of tears burned my eyes. I blinked them back. Mr. Booth rose from the bedside and hugged me. I held him tightly, wishing I could take his pain away. Kevin walked over and bent down so I could wrap my arms around him. I held him tightly, too. I felt his shoulders give in and his tears fell, soaking my shoulder. From somewhere deep inside I felt some strength. I knew I had to be strong. I couldn't cry along with him. Not now. He finally let go and we talked. To her. To each other. Mostly, I listened. That's what I was there for. To listen and to help.
Days have passed and the funeral is near. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with emotions. I'm so upset that she won't be here for our wedding. I wanted her to have that dance with her son. The mother-son dance. The one where she beams proudly at Kevin as he leads her around the floor in front of everyone. He won't have that now. Our children won't know her. We'll tell them stories of how wonderful she was and all the mischief she got into when she was younger but they'll only know her from photos. I can say it's not fair but that's how life goes. I know I'm being selfish but it doesn't make the feelings go away.
For now, I am relieved. She's no longer in pain. She's with Him now. He will take care of her better than we ever could. I know she'll watch over us. And in some way she'll be at the wedding.
When we were in the hospital the morphine was doing nothing for her pain. They were on to dilaudid now. And to help her rest a dose of ativan. With the combination, she was out. She barely responded to our conversation. I sat there quietly with her alone for a moment. I watched her breathe. It was shallow and regular. Then for a moment it sounded coarse and was irregular, as if she couldn't catch her breath. Her mouth opened but her eyes stayed shut. I prayed for her to take another breath. She did so. Quietly and regularly again. This happened a couple more times while I was with her. I knew in my heart we were nearing the end but I wouldn't listen. Mr. Booth came back and sat with me. Kevin was there too, just getting off security detail. We sat and joked a bit. Anything to take our minds off her poor health. Motown hits played quietly in the background in hopes of helping her find some peace in the hectic emergency department.
That was only hours before she passed. After the call came, we all headed to the facility. It was nice there. Calm, warm and soothing. Just what a hospice place should be. As I walked in, Kevin, Karen and Mr. Booth were all around Mrs. Booth's body. I looked down at her pale face. There was a hint of a smile there. The beginnings of tears burned my eyes. I blinked them back. Mr. Booth rose from the bedside and hugged me. I held him tightly, wishing I could take his pain away. Kevin walked over and bent down so I could wrap my arms around him. I held him tightly, too. I felt his shoulders give in and his tears fell, soaking my shoulder. From somewhere deep inside I felt some strength. I knew I had to be strong. I couldn't cry along with him. Not now. He finally let go and we talked. To her. To each other. Mostly, I listened. That's what I was there for. To listen and to help.
Days have passed and the funeral is near. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with emotions. I'm so upset that she won't be here for our wedding. I wanted her to have that dance with her son. The mother-son dance. The one where she beams proudly at Kevin as he leads her around the floor in front of everyone. He won't have that now. Our children won't know her. We'll tell them stories of how wonderful she was and all the mischief she got into when she was younger but they'll only know her from photos. I can say it's not fair but that's how life goes. I know I'm being selfish but it doesn't make the feelings go away.
For now, I am relieved. She's no longer in pain. She's with Him now. He will take care of her better than we ever could. I know she'll watch over us. And in some way she'll be at the wedding.
3.16.2009
Smelly Man
Smelly ugly feet
make me cringe and want to gag,
I dress the wounds now.
Smelly man you stink
like BO and rotting jock
strap, use the damn soap
So I had this patient that obviously had some smelly feet and some nastiness going on. It was suspected that he had MRSA. And from the smell of the wounds I would agree. We're not even supposed to have MRSA patients on my unit because of the wee little ones and all the surgical patients. It's just too much risk for the patients. But he was on our unit nontheless. I dressed his wounds and took care of him.
But now it's slow so I wrote an Haiku for him.
make me cringe and want to gag,
I dress the wounds now.
Smelly man you stink
like BO and rotting jock
strap, use the damn soap
So I had this patient that obviously had some smelly feet and some nastiness going on. It was suspected that he had MRSA. And from the smell of the wounds I would agree. We're not even supposed to have MRSA patients on my unit because of the wee little ones and all the surgical patients. It's just too much risk for the patients. But he was on our unit nontheless. I dressed his wounds and took care of him.
But now it's slow so I wrote an Haiku for him.
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