You may have noticed, or not, that I've been in a bit of a rotten mood lately. I do apologize. I never intended to take my frustrations out on anyone in particular. It isn't fair or kind of me.
Something has changed. Well, I suppose it hasn't really changed. It's simply that I've finally realized what I was really facing. Sometimes standing too close to a situation makes everything blurry and unclear. I took a step back. What I saw didn't really surprise me. Somehow I knew what I was going to see. After all, I'm not as dumb as I look. Finally seeing this situation for what it really is made a difference. And now I feel a little lost. The path I thought I was following turns out to be nothing more than a dead ended trail. The scenery was nice but left me feeling unfulfilled.
Something just feels amiss now. Where once I had an almost overpowering ambition, I now feel listless. All I want is to immerse myself in school work because then there will be no time to think of anything else. The pain and emptiness will be gone. I won't realize I'm missing anything because I'll be too busy to notice.
That isn't the answer though. The answer is to work through it. A friend, one that is quickly becoming very dear to me, once wrote that "emotions are neither good nor bad; they simply are." I find this to be very accurate. Sometimes I wonder if he has any clue how wonderfully wise he is. The point is that I need to recognize my feelings, accept them, and move on. Spoken like a true psych patient, no? I know this is what I need to do. I just haven't the motivation to quite get there yet. I will. I just need a bit of time.
Tid-bits
- Mandalina
- Slightly to the left of Right Here, Illinois, United States
- Me... I'm lots of things. Some things you'd expect, many you wouldn't. I'm open, honest, kind, blah, blah, blah... are you still reading this? Wow... Read the blog. Then you'll have some insight into who I am. I'm ever evolving. I'm a work in progress, as most people should be.
2 comments:
It took me 6 months of counseling to get to a point where I could really believe that emotions, in and of themselves, are neither good nor bad; they are what they are. It took a 2 hour convesation to un-do that. I'm still trying to figure this out. It's not easy. Actually, sometimes it really sucks. But I have to believe that equilibrium can be found.
I agree. It takes a lot to actually realize that emotions are. It takes even longer to accept that as truth. Being happy is often a choice--a choice to see the brighter side of every situation. To maintain positive attitude even when it feels impossible. Your blog is a great place to work out all those frustrations, to sort through them as if they can be separated, and reach the conclusions you need to reach. Write for yourself. Not for us. :-)
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