Et tu, Brute?

About a year and a half ago I had a rough experience with a "friend." This is what I wrote.

"I sat here contemplating life today. I do that more and more lately. My life has never been so clear and so complicated all at the same time. So many choices lie ahead of me, each more difficult than the previous. I'm finally finding meaning in all the horrible things I been through. I've found a purpose for my life. I'm stronger than I've ever been before but just as vulnerable.
I thought I really found someone I connected with but I was wrong. I keep saying that I'm tired of the heartache and pain only to fall into the same trap again. I gave someone a glimpse of my tormented mind only to be laughed at and ridiculed. I felt so utterly foolish. The friend and confidant I saw before me was nothing more than a Trojan horse. I simply walked away with my head down. At first my mind was void of any thought. Suddenly a thousand words came to mind like a torrential rainfall. I held my tongue. It was the most civil thing I could have done. I do believe in being honest with people but I don't believe in saying anything to intentionally hurt them.

What makes people so narrow-minded and self-centered? How is it that so many people wander the planet without a clue as to there effects on those around them? Perhaps it is because they simply do not care. I cannot believe that. Not of such a large group. I've shared so much with this person and to find that my most intimate thoughts, ideas, fears, etc. have been entrusted to such a fiend... I feel hollow.

This only strengthens my belief that evil is most successful disguised as a non-threat, the ones you least expect. Sugar and spice, warm fuzzies, rainbows, and flowers all laced with carcinogens and various other toxins.

I refuse to let one more person taint me. I refuse to let one more person have such a negative impact on my life. There is good out there. There is someone that really cares. There is someone that will listen. It's just that it's not the one I thought it was. Live and Learn..."

I seem to have come across another person that fits this discription above. This time, though, I was a little more cautious. I didn't let him in as far as I had let the other person. I learned a lesson and it prepared me for people like him. He tells me all sorts of wonderful things. He praises me in little ways because he knows that's what I like best. Moments later he's ridiculing me and falsely accusing me of lies. His claims are unfounded and seem to be from "left field" as it were.

What bothers me most, what really confounds me, is his preaching. I don't claim to be a good Catholic. I'm not. I quite frankly suck. But I have my faith. I have a relationship with God that I'm comfortable with. I don't feel the need to go to church or confess my sins to a priest. But I know that I'm not a horrible person. I do try to live my life right and well. I may not live by the Ten Commandments, per se. I don't force my views on someone else either. I'm not a against having a good theological conversation. In fact, I'm quite in favor of it! Anyway, it bothers me that people that preach about being a good Christian can, in the same breath, judge me while looking down their noses at me. It's times like that I wish I could hold up a mirror. What is it with people? I know we all have our flaws. We are human. I get that. I am aware of many of my own flaws. I guess it seems to me that people that study the Bible and strive to be in tune with God would be a little more forgiving. Am I crazy? Am I missing something? Perhaps I'm just a little too idealistic.

**Sigh**