$#^%^&*$##@@*(&**#!!

I'm cranky and tired. Just a warning.

Yesterday was a drag. I had a long and very exhausting day at work. I continually feel like I'm under constant surveillance, my every move and decision scrutinized. A friend called and asked me to meet her for dinner. I had two hours until we were to meet. Every time I looked at the computer screen I felt my eyes well and burn. Enough. I left the rest of the data entry and paperwork for the next day.

I had no idea what to do or where to go. I wasn't in the mood to shop. I considered stopping by Starbucks or something for a drink but I didn't feel like dealing with people. I wound up at the craft store browsing for some beads so I could finish some earrings for a friend. As I walked through the store, looking at everything in each aisle to pass the time, I received a phone call from my most recent ex. The conversation was mainly focused on the last of my things. I want them back this weekend. He didn't think he'd have time. It was horrible. I feel like I'm going through a divorce without all lawyers and paperwork. I hate to admit it but I broke down crying in the middle of the craft store. I must have looked like a mentally unstable psych patient wandering the store. People stared but I didn't care. I was just so frustrated with the whole situation. Finally the conversation was a little more friendly and we came to an agreement.

I left the craft store and drove over to the bookstore. Browsed. Found nothing to keep my interest except a man sitting in the corner reading Whitman. His brow was slightly furrowed and I could tell he was chewing the inside of his cheek. I don't know why but I really just enjoyed watching him read. He seemed absolutely oblivious to everything around him. Perfectly content in those pages.

My phone began buzzing and I nearly fell over trying to answer the phone. It's a gift I have, being a klutz. My friend was across the street waiting for me. I paid for a pocket journal and met her for dinner.

On the way home, I called a friend. I know I shouldn't drive and phone people but I did. About three minutes away from my house, red and blue lights flashed in my rearview mirror. A mirad of swear words and I hung up the phone and pulled over to the side. I pulled my license out and rolled down my window. That was dumb. I should have waited for the officer to get out of the car. It was cold. He came over to the window, shined the light in my face. I think they must have special flashlights that are just brighter than anything else. It felt like I was looking into the sun. I tried not to squint but I felt my face automatically contort anyway. The officer leaned down and lowered the light a bit, much to my relief. He was very polite and not the "badass" some of them pretend to be. My license plate tags were expired. He asked for my license and wondered if I had moved. Why, yes, yes I did move... He checked my insurance card and then disappeared with my license. And I sat there for what felt like ages. An unmarked police car pulled up on the median and waited, watching. I wondered if I seemed like a threat. I'm a little chubby white girl. Where's the threat in that? The officer returned, sans license, ticket in had. He explained I had to appear in court on the 26th of this month with the license plate tag. I know I deserve the ticket but I just wanted my license back. I feel naked without it! He was so nice and polite I thought he might apologize for writing the ticket. He sent me on my way. I rejoined the bustling traffic. When I walked in the door finally I just wanted to hide in bed. It had been one of those days that wasn't exactly catastrophic or traumatic, just extremely trying. Like a constant dull headache.

I called the person that always seems to make me feel better no matter what but he was asleep. Oddly enough, another friend, a new friend, came to my rescue. I vented my frustrations and he listened. When I was all done he consoled me and offered words of advice. He sorted through each mess and helped me see it wasn't so bad. Everything could be fixed.

Life is so surprising sometimes. I love it and loathe it at the same time. Thank goodness for friends!