Everything is there right below the surface. No matter how hard I try to hide it or bury it... it's still there. So I sat down and tried to let it out. I wanted everything to be released, flow freely from me.
I lit a candle, turned on soothing music, and sat comfortably at the computer. My mind flooded with images, memories of the little things that mean so much to me, little comments here and there. But nothing flowed past that.
What do I do? How do I get it out? I think I just won't allow myself to let go. Because if I do, then it's real. Then I'm allowing myself to have those feelings. But feelings are neither right nor wrong which is what I truly believe. So why don't I allow myself to feel these things? It's so frustrating for me. I can't imagine what it must be like for others around me.
Tid-bits
- Mandalina
- Slightly to the left of Right Here, Illinois, United States
- Me... I'm lots of things. Some things you'd expect, many you wouldn't. I'm open, honest, kind, blah, blah, blah... are you still reading this? Wow... Read the blog. Then you'll have some insight into who I am. I'm ever evolving. I'm a work in progress, as most people should be.
5 comments:
How about finishing one of these sentences and seeing where it takes you...
Last week, I got really frustrated when...
When I see the color orange it makes me think of...
A word that is really fun to say is...
If I had to re-live one year of my life, the one I absolutely WOULD NOT re-live would be...
My favorite birthday gift was... (BTW-your gift is on the way, as soon as they fix the order!)
In the time before I start my new job as an RN, one thing that I absolutely must accomplish is...
The time I have felt most sensual in my whole life was...
My happiest memory of the past month is... (seeing Grace at pinning?)
_____ makes me happy, kind of like when I was a kid and got to get ice cream from the ice cream truck.
It's not really the fill to put into the blank that is important, but rather the focusing of your thoughts... once you can focus on one event or feeling or problem and write it out, it is much easier to focus on other events/feelings/problems.
Just a thought.
And don't worry, we still like you:)
Getting the feelings out is the first step to healing. Confronting them, letting the tears flow, acknowledging all the hurt...even though its painful, you will feel so much better once they are out of you and you can start putting the pieces of your heart back together.
Hmm... I think you all might be surprised by next post... I know I was!
Where's this follow-up? This sequel? Volume three? I need the next episode.
So, after your comment, I was all holding my breath.
Then I turned blue and passed out.
So, thanks for that.
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